And So It Begins...

I got engaged to my wonderful fiancé, The Boy, back in November. I’ll admit, I have had a bit of a rocky relationship past, so this wasn’t my first, ahem, time being a fiancée. However, this was the first time I was affianced as a mature, strong woman. In my previous go rounds at wedding planning (there may have been more than one broken engagement in my past…don’t judge), I was into the puffy ball gowns, the minute details of napkins coordinating with other linens and all the other trappings that befall the typical bride. But this time, I’d gotten it right. I’d found my soul mate (feel free to say “ahhhhh” at this time) and all I really wanted to do was celebrate.

With that in mind, the Boy and I found a venue in record time, settled the important matter of food and booze and nailed down a wedding photographer. And I pretty much left planning alone as the holiday season approached. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I picked back up my planning cap. We’d scheduled a date for our engagement photo shoot, so it seemed only natural that I started thinking wedding again.

This was also about the time I stumbled upon Say Yes to the Dress, or as I like to call it, Crazy Bitches Let Loose in a Store. Some of these brides were downright crazy cakes (I can’t take credit for that fabulous turn of phrase…my friend Mazzie coined it). From the bride who insisted the store be kept open so she could try on more gowns to the wacko who didn’t recognize the wedding dress she bought months ago. Or my personal favorite, the bride who stole her fiancé from her…wait for it…best friend. Who does this shit??? And why is a dress you’re only going to wear ONCE causing this much drama ? It’s a dress, people!

It was only a matter of time before my slippery slope of bridal television landed on Four Weddings, an open call for people to judge and mock other people’s weddings (classy). Where I saw cute and clever ways to celebrate a couple’s love, at least one bride saw “tacky” or “soo not wedding material”. The bride who had her wedding in Central Park and wore an adorable short wedding dress with fantastic red shoes was called cheap by the bride who blew almost $200,000 on her wedding. Forget the fact that the bride and groom were obviously in love and beaming from ear to ear. Or the fact that the wedding reflected BOTH of their personalities. Nope. Because this bride had the nerve to buck tradition, she was ridiculed and mocked…on national television. And what about that $200,000 wedding? The bride was angry the entire night because little things weren’t perfect and the groom looked like he was going to his execution. Which, considering his bride, it may have well been the end of his sanity.

The more I watched these shows, the more I realized I wasn’t at all like any of these women. I actually wanted my fiancé’s input in our wedding and we were (shockingly) making decisions together about it. I want our wedding to reflect us – quirky, silly, geeky people who happen to love each other to pieces. And most of the wedding resources out there seem to cater to the Barbie approach to weddings (if I see one more wedding shot of the bride and groom's newly ringed hands over her bridal bouquet, I’m going to hurl). I won’t mention names (one may rhyme with Snot), but a vast majority of wedding websites all assume I’m a brain dead debutante trying to relive my prom.

The final straw came when I broke down and bought a bridal magazine to get ideas for my wedding gown. After wading through a mountain of ads and perfume samples, I came upon the magazine’s first article…about losing weight. Seriously???? While it does happen that I’m on Weight Watchers, it’s not because of my wedding (I’m not getting married until December 12, 2012…12/12/12…yeah, we’re number geeks), it’s because I have a family history of diabetes and high blood pressure and my weight was effecting my health. I’m not trying to lose weight to fit into a dress or some societal norms. And neither should any other blushing bride. My outrage continued as I flipped the pages and saw nothing that reflected me (read: no brides of color…no interracial couples…nobody with taste) or what we wanted our wedding day to be like. And then I stumbled upon the article entitled, “Ethnic Weddings”. Oh you read that right: ETHNIC WEDDINGS!! Said article included gems like this: "Weddings for people of color often incorporate traditions from their culture to personalize the experience for guests." Because I'm now the ambassador of my culture for all my wedding guests.

I took to Twitter and voiced my outrage at this magazine and what it represents: a billion dollar wedding industry that cranks out Stepford Wives at an alarming rate. And that’s when I decided this industry needs to be called out for its actions. For making so many brides feel like their wedding HAS to mirror what they see in the media or else it’s a failure. For making the weddings about the bride and not about the actual MARRIAGE. For making the grooms only minor players in a day that should celebrate your love and your guests. For making women feel inadequate for being a certain size or wanting their day to reflect them. And with that germ of an idea in mind, this blog was born. These are the tales of a sane bride trying to make sense of an insane industry. There will be whiskey…and there will be open mocking.